After The ER

Two days after being in the ER Chris took me in to get my second blood test done. We knew we wouldn’t hear anything for another two days since it was the weekend and our doctor wouldn’t be in his office again until Monday. Our hopes were high since I hadn’t had any new bleeding since being in the ER, we thought that was a good sign. Chris dropped me off at home after I had my blood taken, then headed out to Vancouver for a wedding he was in that afternoon/evening. Late that morning I started bleeding heavily again. This time it was heavier then it had been the first time. My heart started to sink in fear and disappointment. To the best of my knowledge all signs pointed towards a miscarriage. Chris called to check on me but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him anything, I just wanted him to focus on the wedding and try and have a good time. That evening my sister-in-law, Lynia, brought me dinner. It was nice to have some company and to talk out loud about things. While talking with Lynia God opened my eyes to see that no matter what happens I still know that my God is faithful, His promises to me haven’t changed, He hasn’t changed! Later that night Chris called again to check in on me, I had been crying so I figured I couldn’t keep it from him any longer. I told him I was pretty sure the baby was gone this time, I was still bleeding heavily and cramping on and off.

The next day was Sunday. We both woke up in a sort of melancholy state. Chris asked me if I wanted to go for a drive. I was relived to get out of the house. We started driving and ended up headed in our favorite direction, south! We crossed the border into the state of Washington, stopped to get a sweet tea from MacDonald’s, and drove down the Chuckanut Drive along the Washing bay. It was a beautiful sunny day. The water sparkled like thousands of diamonds were floating on top. We saw a rock set away from the road overlooking the water so we parked the car and found our way to it, the view was breathtaking! We felt the grieving had already began, we just sat there in silence and let it run its course. The tears came so easily. In time we talked about how grateful we were that God allowed us a taste of the joy in experiencing pregnancy, no matter how long or short it was. We were so glad we got to experience what it feels like to find out your expecting, the whole rang of feelings and emotions you experience, the silly smile you can’t wipe off your face... we were also glad that we’d gotten to share the news with our families. We’ll never forget their faces and how they reacted! There was such a peace we experienced! I knew in my heart that we would be okay, God was still with us. I told Chris that I counted every day we had with our baby a blessing and a gift! Since finding out I have an abnormally shaped uterus I had prayed that God would not allow me to get pregnant unless I could carry that baby to full term. But sitting on that rock with Chris, feeling in my heart that the baby was gone, I realized I wouldn’t pray that same prayer again. I would never want to miss out on one day with my baby, no matter how long or short I carried him/her. I felt so completely thankful and humbled to have known such a priceless gift! Of course the thought of miscarrying scares me to death... but I know whom I have believed and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day (2 Timothy 1:12). I just kept feeling His loving, everlasting arms around us. And I knew that He promised to never leave us, so our precious little one never left his/her Father’s arms! What a comforter He is! All I know is that Jesus was with us there on that rock, enabling us to trust Him and to put our hope in Him. There was no strength in Chris & Amy, they were spent and weak. It was all Jesus in us! He opened our eyes to see His love for us and we basked in Him, what an amazing time! We moved on to talk about what to do, where to go from here. We both agreed that God opening my womb was our answer regarding whether or not to pursue in vitro, we would put that on the back burner for now and hope He’d bless us again with another pregnancy soon. We praise Him for His marvellous and miraculous works on our behalf! We talked about what we might like to do to bring the final closure we felt we needed in saying goodbye to our sweet baby. Then we talked about the possibility of pursuing adoption, maybe this was the time? We wanted to be open and to pray about it. I left there feeling like I’d been loved on by my Savoir. I felt so at rest and secure in His arms. Even though my heart grieved for my baby, I had His word that His plans for Chris & I is to prosper us, not to harm us, He has plans for us that give us hope and a future (Jer. 29:11)!