He's Already There

Yesterday I was beginning to feel some anxiety about tomorrow's pregnancy test results. I fell into the temptation to join in on a few mind games... "I'm feeling pregnancy symptoms! I just know I am!! These are all good signs"... (then I listed symptoms out in my head over and over again in hopes it would in some way trick my body into really being pregnant). But y'all, I'm on all sort of wacky hormones! I mean, which of those would NOT make me feel pregnant, right?! These meds come with all sorts of wonderful side effects raging through my body. Anyhow I worked myself into a tizzy, is that a real word? It's not telling me to spell check it. I guess it is. I've heard other people say it, good enough for me! By the time I went to bed last night I'd basically been consumed by all my non-existent "pregnancy symptoms" all evening. What was the deal?! Why was I freaking out so bad?

I was scared y'all. Scared for Saturday to come. Scared to know the truth. Scared of another negative pregnancy test result (Lord knows I should have bought stock in those darn pee sticks). Scared to hear a final answer that I can't change. Scared of how I would move forward. Scared of never getting to experience pregnancy again. Scared of what comes next. Scared of pain, loss, grieving. Scared to have to give Chris the news... Scared.

All I could think to do was pray... I'm so thankful the Holy Spirit cuts through the fear to give us those simple and yet powerful reminders! I asked that He'd begin to prepare me for tomorrow, to give me a right perspective, to put His truth in front of my eyes so that it's all I see. And then a song lyric came to mind: "You're already there". God so lovingly reminded me through the words of a Casting Crowns song that He's already there on Saturday. He's already there in the outcome. He's already there if this is His final answer. He's already there helping me move forward. He's already there helping me with what He's called us to do next. He's already there WITH me through the pain, loss and grief. He's already there holding my hand telling Chris the news. He's already there because He KNOWS all things... my future and each of my days before I was born (Ps. 139:16). I have nothing to be scared of, He's already there (Isa. 41:10).

From where I'm standing
Lord, it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me

I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are going to play out
In a world I can't control

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory

'Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life

And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory

Already There by Casting Crowns