Blood Test Results

Stryder's face captures how we're all feeling right now!

It's positive y'all! The blood test came back positive!! It worked!!! Chris & I are still in a bit of shock as we were totally prepared for a negative blood test. I had to ask the doc a few times if he was sure because I was so caught off guard. Much of the evening was spent on the phone calling family and friends and celebrating God's goodness! Thank y'all so much for praying with us through out this whole process. We have experienced God's presence with us day by day. Words cannot express how much your prayers have meant to us. We would covet your continued prayers for us and this precious life growing inside of me. Wow!! God is good!!

A celebratory breakfast at Kerbey Lane, so special! 

Aunt Nannie came over for a sleep over and showed up with Martinelli's and cake to celebrate!

He's Already There

Yesterday I was beginning to feel some anxiety about tomorrow's pregnancy test results. I fell into the temptation to join in on a few mind games... "I'm feeling pregnancy symptoms! I just know I am!! These are all good signs"... (then I listed symptoms out in my head over and over again in hopes it would in some way trick my body into really being pregnant). But y'all, I'm on all sort of wacky hormones! I mean, which of those would NOT make me feel pregnant, right?! These meds come with all sorts of wonderful side effects raging through my body. Anyhow I worked myself into a tizzy, is that a real word? It's not telling me to spell check it. I guess it is. I've heard other people say it, good enough for me! By the time I went to bed last night I'd basically been consumed by all my non-existent "pregnancy symptoms" all evening. What was the deal?! Why was I freaking out so bad?

I was scared y'all. Scared for Saturday to come. Scared to know the truth. Scared of another negative pregnancy test result (Lord knows I should have bought stock in those darn pee sticks). Scared to hear a final answer that I can't change. Scared of how I would move forward. Scared of never getting to experience pregnancy again. Scared of what comes next. Scared of pain, loss, grieving. Scared to have to give Chris the news... Scared.

All I could think to do was pray... I'm so thankful the Holy Spirit cuts through the fear to give us those simple and yet powerful reminders! I asked that He'd begin to prepare me for tomorrow, to give me a right perspective, to put His truth in front of my eyes so that it's all I see. And then a song lyric came to mind: "You're already there". God so lovingly reminded me through the words of a Casting Crowns song that He's already there on Saturday. He's already there in the outcome. He's already there if this is His final answer. He's already there helping me move forward. He's already there helping me with what He's called us to do next. He's already there WITH me through the pain, loss and grief. He's already there holding my hand telling Chris the news. He's already there because He KNOWS all things... my future and each of my days before I was born (Ps. 139:16). I have nothing to be scared of, He's already there (Isa. 41:10).

From where I'm standing
Lord, it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me

I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are going to play out
In a world I can't control

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory

'Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life

And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory

Already There by Casting Crowns

Pregnancy Test Results

We found out through a blood test this afternoon that we are not pregnant. We want to thank y'all from the bottom of our hearts for all your prayers on our behalf. We are ever grateful for your love and support. I have been reminded more then once today that He is still the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow... He hasn't changed! I'm so thankful He is faithful.

Waiting...

Stryder & I with the embryos

Embryo transfer went smoothly earlier this week. I felt Jesus' presence with us all through the appointment. I have been on bed rest for the past three days. The first day was wonderful and restful, the other two I became more restless and wearisome of all the things I couldn't wait to do at the beginning of day one (reading, looking at magazines and watching movies). But it was a good three days of resting and I tried my hardest to make the most of them and enjoy! Stryder is in rout now and I can hardly wait to wrap my arms around him and kiss his chubby cheeks! He had a blast at his Nona & Papa's house... so thankful for Chris, family and friends during all of this! And now we wait... the long, dreaded wait. We'll know the results via a blood test by the 31st. We have felt so loved and cared for throughout this process, thank y'all so much for the phone calls, emails, text messages and prayers! We love y'all!

Just after embryo transfer

Chris preparing my hiney shot

Family snapshot with the embryos

WARNING... Highly Medicated!

My spread of meds for 3 wks

The best part about any type of fertility treatment is all the medication you get to be on and how it all makes you feel so much more like yourself... said NO ONE EVER! This morning I was reminded by my fertility coordinator that we will start the hiney muscle shots this week. Oh goody! I was waiting in anticipation for those to finally be here!

In all seriousness the meds have gone pretty smoothly, which I am thankful for. They do make me feel a bit out of sorts but not too bad. But maybe that depends on who you ask;o) I should probably ask Chris to write on the topic if you want the honest to goodness answer. I'm nervous about the hiney shot as it is every day until the pregnancy test... and if it's positive we have to continue them daily until 12 weeks pregnant. Of course it would totally be worth it but I'm a little scared at the thought.

I had my last ultrasound and blood draw before embryo transfer this morning and the results are exactly where they say I should be at this point in the process. Embryo transfer is set for next week. I try not to think too much about after the transfer... I'll deal with all the anxiety and fear once it's here. What I'm most looking forward to is 3 whole days of bed rest! Doesn't that sound good? Even if you have a whole list of "To Do's" you're not allowed to touch them. You must lay on your back and relax for 3 days straight. I've already started a list of "holds" at the library of movies and books I'm planning on enjoying! And cleaning the house before hand is definitely a must... I can't enjoy being on the couch or in bed if the house is dirty, no sir!

Later this week I'm looking forward to picking up our frozen embryos from their current storage facility to deliver them to our doctor! I'm so looking forward to it because they're my babies and I haven't been this close to them since they were created back in 2010... that probably sounds weird. I'm looking forward to praying over them, giving them to God, remembering He is their creator and sustainer, the only one who can give them life, breath and health. It's a crazy thing... to be holding your babies before they're born. Not something very many people get to do, so I'm going to savor the moments as if they were my last with them.

Stryder and his "muh-yash"

Our Quest For Another Baby...

This morning we had a sit down with our fertility doc to discuss the details of our upcoming round of embryo transfer set for late August. We had Stryder all set up with the iPad watching Bob The Builder (although his newest fave is Curious George). Man, we should have gotten a picture... he was so cute! And he did amazingly well for such a long appointment.

Dr. K first went over the details of our 5 frozen embryos... he started off by explaining the grading process. Each embryo's grade consists of 1 number and 2 letters. The combination of number and letters tells the embryologist how well the embryo was developing at the time of freezing. For example, one of our embryo's grade looks like this: 4CB. Out of the 5 Dr. K said 2 are "beautiful and have really good grades." The other 3 not so much... Dr. K explained that any time there is a C in the grading process it is his belief that they are not viable embryos. He went on to tell us that in his lab they don't even recommend freezing embryos that are graded with a C or below. Chris & I explained to Dr. K that we are committed to giving all 5 of our embryos every chance at life and therefore would like to use even the 3 he says aren't viable. That being said: we chose 1 "good" and 1 "bad" embryo to be transferred in this cycle.

In preparation for embryo transfer I had to have some blood work done last week, Dr. K also talked about those results with us. They tested for 3 specific hormone levels. 2 of the 3 came back normal but 1 was concerning. And even though this particular hormone level doesn't effect our attempts at embryo transfer, it is concerning for if we ever need/want to do IVF from square one again. This hormone is called AMH (I had to google it, I'd never heard of it before). It basically tells the quality and quantity of remaining eggs a female has... at least that's my non-medical explanation:o) For a woman my age Dr. K said he'd be looking for at least a 1.0, I am at 0.51. My understanding of what this means for us is that we should praise God for leading us to do IVF when we did several years ago as this change in my hormones is unchangeable, even with medication. The likelihood of me being able to produce good enough eggs for future IVF are slim. This probably also explains why it's so challenging for my body to conceive and hold on to pregnancies. Anyhow, just thought all that was interesting.

I have started taking my first of the meds in this early stage of embryo transfer. Our next appointment with Dr. K will be to go over the remaining medications/injections.

We are feeling anxious and excited, terrified and peaceful, scared and hopeful. Years ago when my cousin went through IVF she shared that if God wanted to bless her with a baby she had a 100% chance of it working, and if it wasn't a part of His plan she had a 0% chance of it working... this has really stuck with Chris & I over the years... we were reminded of this truth yet again today.

River Walk  in San Antonio

The Alamo